Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Hairy Tales

We are our hair.

Long hair on a woman in India is now a rare sight. And rarity can give things status. Thus, women with long hair in India were considered beautiful, pious, and good wife-material. Females of all ages spent ages on their hair: washing it, drying it, combing it, delousing it, oiling it and adorning it. Soap nuts, sheekakai and other messy natural products were used to wash hair.

Up to the 70s, at least, shampoo was considered a wasteful luxury. The natural products were too time consuming as city life styles began to take over and many used a brown soap which was also used for washing clothes.

And then life began to get very busy indeed. Today everybody uses shampoo, from the very poor up to the filthy rich. And the length of hair has considerably shortened.

But let's not leave the men out of this hairy tale. Long haired lovers sprouted all over, not necessarily from Liverpool alone. In the 60s and into the 70s, young men drove their parents to despair with their shoulder length tresses. At school, when I was a young lady, there was this one young man who played a guitar in a band and had long glossy hair. I'd hang out with one of his kid brothers and so I once got a glimpse of the wannabe rock star at his home: he had his hair tied in a towel very much like what you saw in some foreign magazine for the ladies. Today, it's a sign of being arty farty.

On the other hand, long hair has long been a trademark of the Sadhu.

To cut a long tale short, let's go from all that hair to none.

Baldness and virility. Come to think of it, I've rarely seen a poor man bald. Are the poor less virile?

Villains in films are frequently bald.

Many societies shave a person's head to shame them. High caste widows had to be shorn.

And then the Indian priest is somewhat shorn, and the monk too. No hair symbolises piety.

From the length and lack of hair, let's move on to the straight and curly and wavy. I get the impression that, much like the case with the whitening creams, straight hair sets a standard in what is the appropriate way for hair to be.

Mine is rather wavy and my mom often said it's a sign of a bad temper. Ages later, in the 2000s, every hair dresser I visited seemed to want to "relax" my hair.

But then there's the perm, the Afro and all those curls!

It's possible that an "outstanding" head of hair intimidates. 

And then there's dreadlocks and the matted hair of the sadhus. Symbols of renunciation. 

Hair grows. Hair is cut. And then there's the other hair. For some it's a daily struggle shaving, plucking, depilation and laser removal.

And what about colour? Once upon a time, hair colour went hand in hand with a person's race.  Today, you can have almost any colour hair you like.

I've noted that people in the highest reaches of power rarely dye their white hair. So white hair might give a person an air of authority. 

I'd love to hair, sorry, hear your take. 

Friday, April 10, 2015

Our Life Together

I grew up in an urban unit family: father, mother, sister and I. And when I married we were another urban unit family: father, mother and son. Now my son is married and he and his wife live nearby. Urban life is all hustle bustle and we rarely get together. So it was a very special time for us when the four of us went on a two day trip to Goa.

Although we enjoyed Goa thoroughly, the most memorable moment for me was the dinner we shared on the train. For many train journeys when my son was a little boy I used to pack food. It must have been the memories of those meals which made me cook up a storm: thair sadam (curd rice), lemon rice, pickles, some leftover caramel custard, a dry grated carrot sabzi, an aloo hari pyaz sabzi, some puris and my version of Vathal Kuzhambu. It was deeply moving for me to sit with the three people I love most in the whole world and share this hodgepodge of foods while the train raced through the night. 

There is something very sacred about having a meal together with family. Most of the time, nowadays, we eat while watching TV or something on the Internet. Even in my childhood, my sister and I would read and eat. My sister and I would spend time drawing on our plates with our fingers when the meal was over. It was a kind of bonding-and I have seen my college days bestie also teaching her younger sis how to do this. 

I have seen a family where the father would quiz his sons at table. It was not as boring as one might imagine as he was well read and a charming gentleman. These days, more often than not, shared family meals are either in silence with only the clinking of the utensils or fertile grounds for little squabbles. Yet, the highlight of a life together is eating together.

When my husband and I began life together, we had nothing. Our friends at university, which is where we met and began our new life, brought us a broken pan and a kerosene pump stove left behind by my youngest brother-in-law when he had left the same university. I vividly remember my husband reading to me from James Joyce as I wrestled to create a meal in that one pan which also served as our plate after it was cooked. 

After that, his life was increasingly so taken up by the rat race that we rarely had a family meal. But the girl I'm blessed to have as daughter-in-law made a world of difference. Whenever she is around we become a family. Besides the train journey dinner, I shall also cherish the memory of a meal we all cooked together when they were staying in another city and had come to visit us. 

They had to leave early the next morning and wanted to make some sandwiches for the journey. We took out various leftovers and all of us got creative. My daughter in law made a really yummy fry out of various leftover meats and my son made some toasted sandwiches. Each one was busy chopping, buttering, roasting, frying and whatnot! There was laughter amid the hustle bustle rather than only the regulation "Pass me the this or the that".

It is that special time together which made me think that if I'm ever lucky enough to not only own a home but also design it, I would want a large kitchen cum dining room. I've already started that hunt! I found that on this page I could click on the icon for flats and get a 3 D view of the plans. 

It's been a confusing search but I've settled on one website upon which to build my day dreams. A dream is the first step to reality! 

All this food talk is making me hungry and so I shall leave you for now with this advice: make your family or couple mealtimes an occasion for bonding. Smile at each other often. Savour the food and offer unreserved gratitude to the one who cooked the meal. 

All religions have rituals to be observed before a meal but it is not necessary to be so traditional or formal. Gratitude is an expression of love. And Love is all we all need at any given time. 

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

Just like starting Over...Love@Relocation


Prehistoric couples were hunters and gatherers. Today's twosomes spend a lot of time house-hunting, gathering information about homes to rent or buy.

Life with my partner has involved much house-hunting. From the Karamchari Quarters, JNU, Delhi, to a town house in KL, Malaysia, we've stayed in all kinds of housing over the course of more than 30 years. For I love a man who is fairly footloose, a proper rolling stone. 


We've shifted home some sixteen times. From Delhi to Noida to Gurgaon. With a five year Malaysian interlude. From KL back to Gurgaon. From Gurgaon to Pune. And, now, twice in Pune.


Each time, it's been love reaffirmed in a new setting: watching the seasons change athwart the open field seen from the Karamchari flat in the old down campus JNU, Delhi or the tree outside our

house in KL turning rainy evenings magical as droplets twinkled on its branches. 

With the passage of time, house hunting has evolved from tapping the grapevine to scanning newspaper ads to surfing cutting edge real estate web sites. 





Driving from address to address until we found a suitable flat in the 80's was rather tedious and one was just grateful to find a place. There was no room for a wish list. 

Even so, each place had its charms: the place near Buddha Vihar, opposite JNU, Delhi, was a small low roofed room with no attached toilet, nor a kitchen. But it had a large terrace where peacocks would dance of a morning and the nights were splendid with stars. 


Minus tawa, kadchi and chimta and other such kitchen utensils dear to an Indian woman, I had to reinvent myself anew in Malaysia in 2006 when I discovered the quaint concept of a wet and a dry kitchen, and got used to stoves designed for the stir fry genre where only I simmered while the food burned to a cinder. Having sworn to stick to Frost Free, I had to re-learn how to defrost a fridge as hubby’d bought a temporary fridge before I joined him but it was all good fun. 


I do not know where we’ll be living next but I do hope it has a bath tub or, at the very least, ample space in the bathroom for a makeshift bath tub for, high on my wish list, is a nice leisurely soak in warm water. Tathastu!


Today, it’s not an idle dream for I can simply log on to Housing.com and find my dream abode! It's pleasant to visit, very non-interfering and really well organised. What I love the most is that it takes you to a map of the place. This makes it very convenient to locate what you need quickly. And they have customer care which is responsive, intelligent and quick on the uptake. 


I'm sure I'll find my bath tub equipped home for nowadays most flats are furnished. In our most recent move, I’m beginning to appreciate the superior virtues of a semi automatic washing machine. And a rather ancient but solid as gold 4 burner gas stove which far surpasses the one I used in the previous flat-a 4 burner from a well advertised company which never worked well and always cost a fortune for the least repair.


With each move, the stage is set anew. The décor changes as does our relationship. Like newlyweds we set out on shopping sprees to feather our new nest. It's really romantic! 


 As of now, we have a little garden where the occasional mongoose undulates across the boundary wall furtively as many diverse birds enchant us with their melodious prattle.


This time round we're gardeners! In the previous place we felt like hotel guests. Each new setting implies new role play. 


Who will we be tomorrow when the love of my life decides once again to start a new life? Where will we find ourselves? Just up and shifting home and hearth does have its ups and downs. Each move implies something lost in transit but, on the other hand, shifting is just like starting over!